Memory lane and a tree with white flowers

It's amazing how just a whiff of a familiar scent can trigger memories.

My folks lived in a house in J'puri for eleven years. There was this one huge tree just outside the house on the other side of the lane, with small white flowers that had a cloyingly sweet perfume. I never did find out what kind of tree it was. I just knew that it started to bloom every year around the Dusshera period, and the entire street used to be perfumed by its flowers every night for the better part of the winter.

I used to walk up to the house every evening after work. Every year there would come an evening when, turning the corner into the street, I would be able smell the flowers again. That would be the sign to me, that the festive season was beginning and cooler weather was in the offing. Without realising it, I had come to associate that perfume with what is to me the best time of the year.

I moved out after a few years and set up a place of my own. My parents shifted to another place a while ago, a nice place but no special tree with Dusshera-flowers. I didn't realise that those flowers and that perfume had remained in my subconscious, till today.

Walking home through the condo lawns tonight I passed a group of small trees, some with white flowers. For just a second or two, I could smell a whiff of a familiar perfume. Just for a second, and then it was gone. But it was enough to take me back in time. To a happier time. Put a smile on my face.

Memory is an amazing thing.

Afterwards...

It's been almost a month since the serial blasts. In the days since then I've seen my own office building getting sealed and searched for a bomb post a hoax call, and I've heard countless grisly jokes about Saturday deaths. There have been other blasts since then, with the attendant slew of phone calls to/from family and friends to check on each other...And now it's become second nature for people to check their surroundings when they enter a shopping centre or board a bus or train. In a city of millions, locating a security loophole and planting another bomb somewhere is still easy for the terrorist set on creating mayhem. People realise this and fear for their loved ones. I've heard a friend tell a family member, "Don't go shoppin today, it's a Saturday".

It's a Saturday today and I was in Sarojini Nagar market. It was crowded, but not by a long shot as busy as it used to be on weekends some weeks ago. There are cops around, they've put up barriers to regulate traffic, they even have those walk-thru metal detectors that I'm not sure are very effective - at least, they do go ping all the time, but nobody seems to pay any attention.
It was hard to believe I was standing in SN Market on a weekend in the festive season. I'm not very comfortable with crowded places but I actually found myself missing the crowd today.

And terror struck again

Another terrorist attack. Another series of bomb blasts, all in crowded marketplaces in rush hour on a Saturday evening. 30 dead so far, at least 90 hurt. Ordinary citizens going about their lives. People shopping on the weekend. Couples enjoying the weather in Central Park. If the "Indian Mujahideen" are to be believed, hurting these people is an act of retribution for unnamed sins. What a load of crap. No religion on this earth sanctions such mindless violence against innocent human beings. What bloody sins are you talking of any way? The guys who died so tragically today had probably never even heard of you!!

One of the blasts happened right outside the building i work in. The fact that it was a Saturday and I didn't go to office means nothing. Every time I go to office now, I'll probably be wondering - where next. Every time I step into a Metro train, or enter a crowded market, or visit a film theate, I'll be asking myself the same question - will this be it?? I know my parents are going to worry each time I'm out. I'll have to sms Mom each night after returning home from work, just so she knows I'm still around. Each time a festival or any significant date like 26th Jan comes around, my parents will call and ask me to avoid visiting any markets.

This is how they affect our lives. By restricting our movements, limiting our possibilities, trying to control our lives by instilling fear. Scaring us and those who love us. I realise that I really can't do much about it. And that makes me seethe with impotent, helpless rage.

The opposition is busy trying to use this as an opportunity for electoral canvassing. Others are talking of conspiracies, visiting the hospitals after ensuring there's a media presence....But who takes responsibility for the recurrent intelligence failures and shameful lapses in security? Nobody. Who takes care of those who have lost loved ones today? Nobody. Who answers to those who died today? Nobody. There'll be the usual probes and so the circus will go on..

I'm angry today. I want to do something about it, only I'm not sure what I can do. The idea of living in constant watchfulness is abhorrent. Yet, that's probably what I will do. Come Monday, I'll be back in CP in my office near the blast site. Going about life as usual. Wondering where the next one will come. Fearing for the lives that are dear to me.....and still angry inside.