Portrait of a Lady

We all knew her by various names. To my mother she was Mummy; to me she was Nani. To others she was Dadi, Mausi, Bahuji and so on. So much so, that when the Pandit doing the last rites asked for her name to be called out, for a moment it sounded like somebody else was being mentioned. In my mind she was always just “Nani”…

She was the younger daughter of a Zamindar turned lawyer turned freedom fighter, and grew up in a pretty liberal household. She had a post-graduate degree in Economics from Allahabad University – a rarity in those days where women were concerned. After her wedding to a government official based in Delhi, she took on the role of housewife, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law and eventually mother of five. Her life revolved around home and children, and when the family went through difficult times, she was the strong one.

My earliest memories of her are a jumble of childhood scenes. No matter where we were living at the time, school vacations usually involved a train ride to Delhi and/or Kanpur to stay with the grandparents. Delhi meant Nani’s house. It meant languid afternoons lying down next to her, listening to stories of her younger years; it meant being pampered with our favourite dishes; it meant catching up on family news; it meant so much that cannot be described now.

After I finished school I ended up living with my grandparents for a few months. We had this routine where she would wait for my return in the afternoon so that we could have lunch and watch an afternoon soap together. After a nap we’d have tea and talk about the world – politics, modern life, religion, relationships. She taught me how to make an awesome cup of ginger and cinnamon tea; how to layer my bed-clothes with a shawl for extra warmth during cold Delhi winters; how to make certain UP-style dishes…

As she grew older, conversations started getting more repetitive. She would forget what she’d been saying a few minutes ago; she’d sometimes mix up our names. Her arthritis grew worse and she started using a cane. My grandfather fell sick and passed away in 2011; she was as stoic about it as she had been about everything else in life. She rearranged the patterns of her life and carried on.

I was always amazed by how much pleasure my simple gifts would give her – warm shawls from my trips to various hill stations; a cotton sari; an oil to help with arthritis pain - everything was treasured. Earlier this year on a visit to Dharamshala, some four months after her passing, I realised with a pang that I no longer had a Nani to buy shawls for.

Towards the end she was very ill. She suffered, and those who loved her went through a hard time having to watch her suffering. The end when it came was a release for her, but left in its wake a void that her family members are still trying to deal with. I find myself missing her at the most unexpected of moments, and wondering how my mother is dealing with her mother’s absence. Her home had been the family’s adda for gatherings over the last so many years; with her gone, the house will soon be gone too. Luckily there are a ton of good memories to hold on to.

Her last sentence in any phone conversation used to be “Khush raho”. I sometimes imagine that I can hear that blessing still. I believe that this blessing will forever be with me and with all her children and grandchildren.  

Her name was Sarla.

Coming back

It's been an eventful year, but I haven't come back here to write about any of it. Lack of time, too much going on at work, loads of travel, sickness..... Must get back to writing. Starting today. One blog post coming up asap!

Another New Year!

2013 was an important year in many ways. Found my feet at work, made some mistakes, learned a lot. Enjoyed some good times with friends and family. Learned a lot more about myself. Had some bad moments on the health front, mine as well as that of close family. 

The year ended with much-cherished recognition at work, and a much-needed break. Spent the last few days of the year at different places with family and dear friends...and also some time alone with myself with plenty of introspection. 

Looking forward to the unfolding of another year full of myriad possibilities. 

Bring it on, 2014!

Sehnsucht.....

Yes, there is still goodness in this world

My dad was at his bank this past weekend when he had a blackout of some kind. It was a smallish space, there was a bit of a crowd, and he felt some discomfort come on. He was alone and does not remember everything that happened; but he ended up falling or losing his balance somehow.

He was helped by people around him, all strangers. A young man; a retired Army officer; the manager of the bank....One of them took his mobile phone and made a call to Mom asking her to come and get him; the retired Colonel ensured that Papa was comfortable and very kindly remained with him till Ma had reached, even offering to drive them to the hospital himself. The manager of the bank was there too and offered to let Papa rest in his office for a while.

Newspapers and reality TV keep reminding us on a daily basis how apathetic and uncaring people in general have grown towards each other. I am glad such people are still around who stop and make an effort to help those in need. My very sincere thank you to all of them.

Happy Diwali

It's Diwali. The Festival of Lights. Should have been called the festival of noise, since that's what seems to be the predominant interest of people celebrating the festival at least in my neighbourhood. 

But this isn't a post to rant about the smoke and the noise. I love Diwali and everything it represents and brings. I have enjoyed the time spent with family over the last couple of days. 

A thought struck me today - how many people are regularly unable to celebrate Diwali in this way because their jobs demand it? The cop on the street, the soldier at the border post, the young doctor in the Emergency wing, the airline crew, the security guard, the staff at a popular restaurant..... It's a longish list....A silent prayer and thanks to them and their families.

Happy Diwali. 

Memory lane and a tree with white flowers

It's amazing how just a whiff of a familiar scent can trigger memories.

My folks lived in a house in J'puri for eleven years. There was this one huge tree just outside the house on the other side of the lane, with small white flowers that had a cloyingly sweet perfume. I never did find out what kind of tree it was. I just knew that it started to bloom every year around the Dusshera period, and the entire street used to be perfumed by its flowers every night for the better part of the winter.

I used to walk up to the house every evening after work. Every year there would come an evening when, turning the corner into the street, I would be able smell the flowers again. That would be the sign to me, that the festive season was beginning and cooler weather was in the offing. Without realising it, I had come to associate that perfume with what is to me the best time of the year.

I moved out after a few years and set up a place of my own. My parents shifted to another place a while ago, a nice place but no special tree with Dusshera-flowers. I didn't realise that those flowers and that perfume had remained in my subconscious, till today.

Walking home through the condo lawns tonight I passed a group of small trees, some with white flowers. For just a second or two, I could smell a whiff of a familiar perfume. Just for a second, and then it was gone. But it was enough to take me back in time. To a happier time. Put a smile on my face.

Memory is an amazing thing.

Intezaar.....in search...

Some are looking for money and everything it can bring; some want fame more than anything else.
Some want freedom from present circumstances while others want nothing more than for their lives to stay the same forever.
Many seek enduring love and a sense of belonging; others, to escape the shackles of a relationship.
There are those who know exactly what they search for, and those who don't even know what they want.

Health, wealth, understanding, knowledge, peace of mind, freedom, forgiveness, a second chance.....love, friendship, acceptance, approval, a simpler life, a clean slate, a reason to live.....everybody is in search of something in life.

And the funny thing is, we all think that in this search we are alone and unique.

Fursat mein karenge hisaab tujhse ae zindagi; abhi toh uljhe hue hain khud ko suljhane mein....

Movie review: Bombay Talkies

You walk in expecting something monumental and unforgettable, given the fulsome praise being showered upon the movie by critics. This four part ode to cinema by four of the hottest directors today left me strangely disappointed though...

The first story by Karan Jahar is very unlike his usual fluffy romance stories, and has some funny bits with Saqib Saleem’s act getting a few chuckles. All three protagonists try very hard, but the overall result is average. “Film Star” by Dibakar Banerjee is Nawazuddin Siddiqui all the way, and as usual he is brilliant. An engaging story of a common Mumbaikar and his daily struggles, and how he finds joy for himself as well as his family from a single unexpected incident. Enjoyed this one.

Zoya Akhtar brings us the message of never giving up on your dreams. The good part about this was the wonderful relationship portrayed between the kids; however the whole premise of trying to overcome conventions laid down by strict parents is a little overdone in films anyway. Still, not bad. The last story by Anurag Kashyap revolves around small town North India and its fascination with Big B, and a well-travelled jar of murabba. Interesting storyline, some good acting, but could have been edited better.

Overall, strictly a one-time watch. Some good shots of ordinarly life in Mumbai; a common thread of love for cinema/theatre running through the four stories; a couple of strong performances. But not as great as Anupama Chopra would have you believe.

:-)

For a change of mood, a funny one from my earlier blog - this is almost 10 years old by the way! I think I had quoted a funny email someone sent me. Happened across it and it did make me smile, so here goes:

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for only about fifteen minutes.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do.

I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends, because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

Choices

I had taken up a distance learning Masters course last year, in Mass Comm and Journalism. Not because of a career requirement, but because it is something that has always interested me. Something that I had told myself I would definitely do someday, sooner or later.

But then this new job came along and life turned almost upside down. There hasn't been enough time to go through the study material, forget about turning in assignments. I haven't been able to appear for exams in the last two rounds of quarterly exams. The nice ladies from the study centre keep calling up to remind of resitting dates.

I could have taken this as a challenge, and decided to get by on three hours of sleep each night so that I could make time for the assignments and the exams. I could have decided to take my eye off work for a bit and do this. But I didn't. The job is still new, and it's extremely challenging in many ways. People see the glamorous side of it, when i post travel pictures on Facebook, but not many are aware of the long hours spent working and all the sleep and energy lost in the process....

Anyway, I have decided I cannot at this point of time in my life combine work with an MA. My inherent nature does not allow me to do anything half-heartedly or in half measures, and I know I'd just be miserable trying to keep up with everything. So. no studies for now. Even though sometimes I feel a little bad about it, I know it's not the end of the world. Or life. Time will come when I will have more time. The course goes back on my "Someday Maybe" list!

Winterland in summer!

Work took me to Leh last week. From a hot and dry Delhi, I found myself in subzero temperatures in Leh, within the space of a couple of hours. Quite the change. The town isn't fully open yet, most of the shops/hotels/restaurants are still shut and expected to start opening from the end of April, with the beginning  of the "season". The first shipment of vegetables had just reached town via the Srinagar - Kargil highway. One of my travelling companions was actually carrying a box of food provisions for friends - things like veggies etc that are worth their weight in gold during the cold weather season, when Leh is cut off from the rest of the world. Locals we knew had to scour the town to come up with a couple of bottles of Coke for an evening get-together.

It was mostly routine work - meeting local partners, carrying out hotel inspections, checking out rooms and facilities etc and sorting them out into "yes we will use", "maybe we could use" and " no way will we use". But I was in one of the most beautiful places on this earth, Ladakh. Every way I looked, I could see magnificent snow peaks. On one particular day in Leh we saw bright sunshine, clouds, snowfall and again sunshine - all within the space of a morning. And the one day that we spent outside Leh more than made up for all the hard work. 

We took a daytrip to Pangong Tso, the lake made so famous by movie 3 Idiots. One of my travel companions had a funny story about how a guest who visited last year insisted his phone HAD to work at the lake, because after all Aamir had taken a call here in the movie....Speaking of the movie, did you know that tourists to Leh often actually ask to visit the "3 idiots school" and pee on the "susu wall"?? I kid you not!

Now I had visited Pangong once before, with family on a trip in the fall of 2011. The lake then was a beautiful blue-green, changing colour every now and then depending on the sunlight. We'd taken a long walk along the shore and I don't think anybody could really get over how pretty it all was. This time, it was a sheet of ice. I was seeing a frozen lake for the first time, and was super excited about it. The ice was almost white, but not quite - there was a beautiful sea-green tinge to it. We walked around on the lake; the ice was slippery and I had to spend a considerable amount of energy keeping myself upright. The temperature was in the -20 to -25 degrees range, but because there was no wind that day it didn't feel as cold. It was definitely a memorable experience, made more unforgettable by the fact that on the way back our car got stuck in snow just short of Changla Pass....

I also managed to find a couple of hours to drive out and visit Gurudwara Patthar Sahib. Had read the legend associated with it and "Nanak Lama" but had never got around to seeing the place for myself. It's a nice, quiet place in the middle of nowhere just next to the highway. Once you have paid your respects, one of the soldiers (it is managed by the army; a different unit each quarter) will smilingly invite you for tea and prasaad. The hot tea and jalebis tasted awesome in the cold weather. There is also a langar on Sundays. What struck me about the place was the silence. It was extremely windy and you could actually hear the sound of all the flags flapping away in the wind. 

It was a good trip on the whole, even though I was sick for the most part of it. We were lucky to get to meet some local Ladakhi families and spend time with them in their homes, having tea and being pressed to eat this, eat that, try this, try that....amazing hospitality. Ladakhis are some of the warmest, friendliest souls one could ever meet. They live mostly in harsh conditions but everybody seems to be happy and smiling always. The children are just too sweet, red cheeks and all.

I know I'll be back again soon! I also know that a longer travelogue, from my two earlier trips, is long overdue and will end up here someday soon!!

Checked out Google Books today. They have a host of free books one can read either through a mobile app or on a laptop/desktop. I'd been reading references to "The Importance of Being Ernest" in the current book I'm reading, so when I chanced upon the play script I decided to check it out. I can't believe I've never read a complete Oscar Wilde play before. It was really interesting, and funny. I really must find some more works by Wilde to add to my reading list.

Epiphany

I counted my blessings today; and realised that I am richer than I ever thought I could be.
I also realised that just because something doesn't come to you in the form you had envisioned, doesn't mean that the form in which it does come to you, isn't just as good or perhaps even better.