:-)

For a change of mood, a funny one from my earlier blog - this is almost 10 years old by the way! I think I had quoted a funny email someone sent me. Happened across it and it did make me smile, so here goes:

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for only about fifteen minutes.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do.

I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends, because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

Choices

I had taken up a distance learning Masters course last year, in Mass Comm and Journalism. Not because of a career requirement, but because it is something that has always interested me. Something that I had told myself I would definitely do someday, sooner or later.

But then this new job came along and life turned almost upside down. There hasn't been enough time to go through the study material, forget about turning in assignments. I haven't been able to appear for exams in the last two rounds of quarterly exams. The nice ladies from the study centre keep calling up to remind of resitting dates.

I could have taken this as a challenge, and decided to get by on three hours of sleep each night so that I could make time for the assignments and the exams. I could have decided to take my eye off work for a bit and do this. But I didn't. The job is still new, and it's extremely challenging in many ways. People see the glamorous side of it, when i post travel pictures on Facebook, but not many are aware of the long hours spent working and all the sleep and energy lost in the process....

Anyway, I have decided I cannot at this point of time in my life combine work with an MA. My inherent nature does not allow me to do anything half-heartedly or in half measures, and I know I'd just be miserable trying to keep up with everything. So. no studies for now. Even though sometimes I feel a little bad about it, I know it's not the end of the world. Or life. Time will come when I will have more time. The course goes back on my "Someday Maybe" list!

Winterland in summer!

Work took me to Leh last week. From a hot and dry Delhi, I found myself in subzero temperatures in Leh, within the space of a couple of hours. Quite the change. The town isn't fully open yet, most of the shops/hotels/restaurants are still shut and expected to start opening from the end of April, with the beginning  of the "season". The first shipment of vegetables had just reached town via the Srinagar - Kargil highway. One of my travelling companions was actually carrying a box of food provisions for friends - things like veggies etc that are worth their weight in gold during the cold weather season, when Leh is cut off from the rest of the world. Locals we knew had to scour the town to come up with a couple of bottles of Coke for an evening get-together.

It was mostly routine work - meeting local partners, carrying out hotel inspections, checking out rooms and facilities etc and sorting them out into "yes we will use", "maybe we could use" and " no way will we use". But I was in one of the most beautiful places on this earth, Ladakh. Every way I looked, I could see magnificent snow peaks. On one particular day in Leh we saw bright sunshine, clouds, snowfall and again sunshine - all within the space of a morning. And the one day that we spent outside Leh more than made up for all the hard work. 

We took a daytrip to Pangong Tso, the lake made so famous by movie 3 Idiots. One of my travel companions had a funny story about how a guest who visited last year insisted his phone HAD to work at the lake, because after all Aamir had taken a call here in the movie....Speaking of the movie, did you know that tourists to Leh often actually ask to visit the "3 idiots school" and pee on the "susu wall"?? I kid you not!

Now I had visited Pangong once before, with family on a trip in the fall of 2011. The lake then was a beautiful blue-green, changing colour every now and then depending on the sunlight. We'd taken a long walk along the shore and I don't think anybody could really get over how pretty it all was. This time, it was a sheet of ice. I was seeing a frozen lake for the first time, and was super excited about it. The ice was almost white, but not quite - there was a beautiful sea-green tinge to it. We walked around on the lake; the ice was slippery and I had to spend a considerable amount of energy keeping myself upright. The temperature was in the -20 to -25 degrees range, but because there was no wind that day it didn't feel as cold. It was definitely a memorable experience, made more unforgettable by the fact that on the way back our car got stuck in snow just short of Changla Pass....

I also managed to find a couple of hours to drive out and visit Gurudwara Patthar Sahib. Had read the legend associated with it and "Nanak Lama" but had never got around to seeing the place for myself. It's a nice, quiet place in the middle of nowhere just next to the highway. Once you have paid your respects, one of the soldiers (it is managed by the army; a different unit each quarter) will smilingly invite you for tea and prasaad. The hot tea and jalebis tasted awesome in the cold weather. There is also a langar on Sundays. What struck me about the place was the silence. It was extremely windy and you could actually hear the sound of all the flags flapping away in the wind. 

It was a good trip on the whole, even though I was sick for the most part of it. We were lucky to get to meet some local Ladakhi families and spend time with them in their homes, having tea and being pressed to eat this, eat that, try this, try that....amazing hospitality. Ladakhis are some of the warmest, friendliest souls one could ever meet. They live mostly in harsh conditions but everybody seems to be happy and smiling always. The children are just too sweet, red cheeks and all.

I know I'll be back again soon! I also know that a longer travelogue, from my two earlier trips, is long overdue and will end up here someday soon!!

Checked out Google Books today. They have a host of free books one can read either through a mobile app or on a laptop/desktop. I'd been reading references to "The Importance of Being Ernest" in the current book I'm reading, so when I chanced upon the play script I decided to check it out. I can't believe I've never read a complete Oscar Wilde play before. It was really interesting, and funny. I really must find some more works by Wilde to add to my reading list.

Epiphany

I counted my blessings today; and realised that I am richer than I ever thought I could be.
I also realised that just because something doesn't come to you in the form you had envisioned, doesn't mean that the form in which it does come to you, isn't just as good or perhaps even better.

Questions....

I sometimes resort to using lyrics of songs when I am unable to find enough words to express feelings. The last few days, snatches of this song have been running through my mind:
After my dreaming, I woke with this fear
What am I leaving when I'm done here.....

As I grow older (not sure about wiser) I am increasingly bothered by this question. What difference have I made? What is my contribution to life, to this world, to people close to me? It is said that there is a purpose to everything that happens. So then, what is the purpose of my life?

Initially these questions nagged but I would just ignore them, shove it all to the back of the mind and get on with the day to day nitty gritties of living. But it doesn't seem possible or even right any more. I need to answer them. If I am unable to, then I need to look and think till I can find the answers. I need to find my purpose.

Thought for the day

Sometimes the very things you want are also the things you fear the most.

Restless wandering, looking around but not seeing anything. Questions in my head as I try to sleep. Vague fears of what might or might not happen. Disquiet. A sense of loss. A strong urge to go back into a shell and never ever have to come out again.....

Did it again, didn't I? Got caught up in the business of life and forgot to - or just neglected to - take out time for this blog. Have not posted anything at all in this new year so far. I've been so busy travelling for work, and working, and doing all kinds of other random stuff, that the smaller but equally important stuff seems to have slipped between the cracks....

Coming soon. Change.

Note to self

Saw this somewhere and realised these are some of the things I need to remind myself of every day...till they become a habit...

1. Free yourself from negative people
2. Let go of those who are already gone
3. Give people you don't know a fair chance
4. Show everyone kindness and respect
5. Accept people just the way they are
6. Encourage others and cheer for them
7. Be your imperfectly perfect self
8. Forgive people and move forward
9. Do little things everyday for others
10. Always be loyal
11. Stay in better touch with people who matter
12. Keep your promises
13. Give what you want to receive
14. Say what you mean and mean what you say
15. Allow others to make their own decisions
16. Talk a little less; listen more
17. Leave petty arguments alone
18. Pay attention to your relationship with yourself.
19. Pay attention to who your real friends are
20. Ignore unconstructive, hurtful commentary

Ready to say bye to 2012

2012 has been an unforgettable year. For so many reasons, some good and some not so good. The last twelve months have been a roller-coaster. Faith has been broken, tears have been cried.....lessons have been learned...memories have been made...trips have been taken, small pleasures enjoyed....fears have been faced...

As the year draws to a close, I am making a promise to myself. The negativity of this year, stays behind in this year. It will not go into the new year with me. There is a whole life to be lived ahead, and I plan to give it my best shot.

No escape

There is no running away. Whatever the trouble, however sharp the pain, there is nothing to do except go through it. Trying to distract the mind does not work for too long. Denial feels like a good way out...till reality comes back to hit you with twice the force. So really, there is nothing to do but endure. And keep reminding yourself that just like the good times, the bad times cannot last forever either. Avoid self-pity and just suck it up. Keep going. Whatever happens, just keep going....

Some days....everything seems too much. It takes a huge effort to just get out of bed and face the day. To get through work and deliver what is expected when all you want to really do is lock yourself up inside your room and not have to talk to anybody.....

Some things are better left unsaid. Or so it seems. Maybe.

Endings...

The last few days have been super hectic. There was a lot happening at work; I was trying to finish reading the Odyssey for my mythology course; there were those Diwali gift boxes that I had pledged which I now needed to put together....in short I didn't know whether I was coming or going. To add to that, I have come down with a throat infection and fever and general exhaustion.

Tomorrow is my last day at TC. I joined them nearly 5 years ago and it has been an interesting stint. The last week has been full of deadlines and last minute stuff...spent today doing handovers...another round of handover tomorrow...and then time for goodbyes. Change is scary. Change is good.